The Underlying Texture

I love this pain. I love the pain of crisis in my life. It's like the event is a crowbar, forcing me out of my rut. out of my shell. out of comfort, to face the pain that has been deeply rooted from my childhood and infant experiences. They all connect, whether months, minutes or years apart- to that same experience of pain. The first memories that have been blocked out.

I like living in that moment, and find myself choosing to do that instead of taking productive action. As if sipping a delicate wine, and savouring -every- bit of it.

I want to heal that pain, however the only way I know of to effectively deal with it, is to understand my past. To know what caused it in the beginning, and to grasp it. A wise doctor once said "proper diagnoses is half the treatment."

Before I can move on to a purpose in life and be most effective at it, I have to heal this.