False awakening

I just had a frightening experience. What I hate right now is that the longer I wait, or the more I write, and the more time that transpires, the less I'll remember in detail of what happened.

I was sleeping, and woke up. But my body was unresponsive. I could hear, feel, and sense what was going on, but my eyes were closed. I felt cold, the air is chilly in my bedroom, and the blankets were pushed off to my left. I wanted to pull the blankets over to protect me, to shield my body and keep me warm. Most of all, I felt vulnerable. Very vulnerable.

I felt my disconnection from my body. I knew that I was in a place where I couldn't make myself -truly- wake up. I screamed in my mind, and heard my physical body make a murmer. A whisper. I exerted mental force to make myself wake up. But the harder and harder I tried, the more nothing happened. Pressure began to build up in my mind. Have you ever gotten that? It sounds like being underwater.

I had some strange flash-moments in my mind. Moments of planning ahead, like I planned all this? That scares me, I don't want to think things like that. I saw that my exerted mental force was futile. I stopped trying to wake up, and my wish was granted to me- It's like saying to someone "Give me that! Give it to me! C'mon hand it over!" and the moment you stop asking, they give it to you... I woke up, gasping for air instantly, my heart beat quickened and my body became responsive to my mental state.

When we are asleep, our bodily senses continue to go on, 24/7. Our ears continue to hear, our skin still feels the temperature in the air, and yes, if our eyes are open, they can see!

I know that when my thoughts are not there, nothing remains to protect my fragile physical existence. And that's what I am. I am my thoughts. And when I am gone, my body continues to go on sensing without me. I wonder, if the same is true the other way around? Or am I projection of my brain?




This isn't the first time that something like this happened. I've had it happen 2 times where I probably turned white the instant I woke up. That kind of fear is so profound, that you never forget it. It challenges my understanding of consciousness. It makes me realize how easily my control over my body can be taken away.

And now you can understand why I didn't go back to sleep. Fuck that, I turned the lights on and went straight to the computer!