What I really like about women

Women are like mirrors. I have no idea who I am, or how I appear to the outside world. I have ideas of who I am, but really all those ideas are fictional stories. There is only this moment, and who I am in this moment is always changing. But that' just getting down the rabbit hole to a point of uselessness. Drawing back...

Women are like mirrors. When I sat with Mackenzie last night, I could feel her hand touching my shoulders, my arms and my stomach. It felt neat, because the appreciation she had for my body is unlike the kind I have for my body since I am -inside- my body. To me, my body is a vessel that contains my mind. Yet, when I'm with someone, sometimes I exercise an acute ability to empathize... to put myself in their shoes and live vicariously. I guess that's why I scored 100% on a testing of my voyeur and exhibitionist tendencies. I imagine what it's like to be *that* person, to experience things from their point of view. And that's what turns me on when it comes to voyeuristic tendencies.

I didn't mean for this to go into this direction, but maybe I'll tie it all back together in a later paragraph. Anyways, one of my favorite fantasies is to go get someone I know who is in his mid 20's, obese, pale and a virgin. He lives at home with his parents and he plays a lot of video games. My fantasy is to get him laid. So that I can watch it, record it, and imagine what it would feel like to BE HIM. To be him fucking a smoking hot babe, and busting a hot load of cum inside some drunk girl on ecstasy.

*whew* anyways... I could go into detail, I've got the whole thing planned out. I probably won't ever do it, but it's fun to imagine it.

When I'm with a woman though, it's different. Because...the experience is totally different than it is for a man. For a woman, she's with a creature that's bigger and stronger than her, so it's no wonder she appreciates feeling my shoulders, my arms, my stomach... because these are things that my body, my vessel has to offer. And I feel good that I have something to offer her. And when she shows appreciation for those things that I have to offer, I realize just how different things are from her perspective.

Up until she shows the appreciation for those things, I have no idea what's going on in her mind. So I go on a limb and assume that I haven't proven myself to her yet, so I boast about my achievements, abilities, etc etc. I'll even go on to prove myself to her, by displaying my strength or mental prowess. But she doesn't care. She can tell I'm putting on a show. And when we finally relax together, I can see the things that she likes in me, that I had no idea were even there. Let me repeat that: I had no idea those things were even there.

And then I realize... that I'm protecting her as we're walking down the street. From my perspective, I am INSIDE my vessel, so I don't feel unsafe walking down the back alleys. Yet she is outside of the vessel, so she grabs my arm, and holds the vessel close to her. My mind continues talking about the yappy dog my neighbor has, completely oblivious to what's going on inside of her.

One of my favorite memories of Cyan, is when she told me something about the sex we had. We were talking about the whole dominant/submissive thing, and she is very much a sub. She needs a domme. And once, someone said to her, "You'd make a good domme." She laughed out loud. That's -totally- not what she wants. It's the opposite. You see... she has a very strong personality, she's very successful, educated and in my eyes, wields a lot of power in the materialistic world. That's why I loved her.

But in her eyes, I am beautiful. (A little role reversal there), and that's why she loved me. But she wanted more. She wanted someone to call the shots in the bedroom. She wanted someone to answer to, someone who knew what he was doing, and could manage what she was doing as well. And also...she wanted someone strong. Now THAT'S something I could offer. And on a few occasions I went beyond her expectations.

One time, when we were having sex, I simply grabbed her, moved her, and continued having sex with her. Seemed like no special moment to me, I just wanted to adjust her position so that I could penetrate her deeper. But afterwards she commented on it. She said she was surprised when I did that. Like, she didn't expect me to do that nor did she think I *could* even do that. Didn't seem surprising to me, yeah, this is reality. She has a small body and I can move it around.

And that's what she needed. She was so fucking powerful in the business world, that she needed a reality check in bed. I was that reality check, at least while we were together.

But that's not my focus when I'm with a woman. However...maybe I should pay more attention to those things. MY focus, has always been to be very sweet and passionate. I like to kiss, to show my affection, and to say sweet things to the women I'm with. To display my trust in her, and to earn her trust. When a girl I'm with starts to reciprocate these things with me, I am almost overly responsive, because I want to encourage her to do even more of that.

Many people have said, that when they're with me, they feel like they've known me for a long time. And one even said on our first date, "I feel as if I should say I love you." So in a sense, women are mirrors in multiple ways. They mirror the things that I want them to do, and they show me the things in myself that I didn't even know were there.