I'm an asshole.
I'm cynical.
I always insult my friends.
The first words on my lips cut with rapier wit, on friend and foe alike.
I do it because I care so goddamn much.
I care fully and truly.
I want everyone around me to be happy.
The only way I can stay sane is to attack anything I'm not already attached to.
If I didn't, then I'd destroy myself with my caring.
I love you, because you're as cruel as I am.
But the paradox is that even as harsh as you are, you've got plenty of friends.
Many people love you, and in that way, I feel like an infinitely small part of your life.
I love you.
I'm sorry you have to feel like this.
I'm sorry that I can't heal you.
But I want to.
I want to save you.
Feel better, please.
I don't think I can keep caring too much more.
Unfotunately we can only save those who want to be saved....it's a harsh lesson to learn and one I keep tyring to remember. But if your a healer and only see the good in others, what else are we to do?
ReplyDeleteSo real and raw and unfashioned that everything is like a pin prick, every moment is a not just part of a passing minute but a Thing.
ReplyDeleteA kind woman I know well said it was 'all about filters' - not having any means you have the potential to bleed, gutted by the tiny things in life other people have learnt to ignore. Right now I am so vulnerable I have a sick feeling.
In the wonder is also the tragedy... of being human, of feeling too much: bt mostly of wondering why there are those that don't?
A crusade, a curse, a lifetime of lighter moments and wonder, peppered with suffering and amazement and the cruelty of others, or your own ability to inflict pain on those you love....
Well, I know which sentiment I prefer.
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