Dear 15 Year Old Self

Dear 15 year old self. I know life is very hard right now and you are probably going to try to kill yourself within the next couple of years. I still don't know if you're better off doing that or not, but hey, it's your decision.

If you choose to kill yourself, I know that if you save up enough money (like $3,000) you can probably buy yourself a plane ticket to san diego and from there, take a tour of Tijuana, Mexico, where with enough money and persuasion you can convince a veterinary clinic to sell you a drug called "Nembutal." Just say it's for your pet horse or some shit. Then drink it. Simple as that. Look up "Nembutal" online if you want more information on how it works.

If you choose to live...well I have news for you. It get's a little better for the next 11 years but not a lot. If you want it to get a lot better, I recommend that you take some time and money after highschool to see a psychologist and get some help. You need it. You also need more support, but don't rely on your family for that. It's going to be hard and you're going to be alone. You'll need to develop personal strength and cultivate relationships with good friends that you can rely on as if they were your true family. If you choose to live, hang in there. And don't go to college right away. You'll probably drop out in the state you'll be in by the time you finish high school.

Don't take engineering design and drafting technology. Apply to a university and take physics or a real degree in engineering or something similar. Don't let anyone else tell you what career goals you should take. Listen to your heart. You know what you want to do and I've let people tell me what I should get into and fucking regret it.

And as far as women go. Well... I don't know what to say. If you decide to have sex and relationships, you're gonna get hurt real bad. But you'll also learn a lot. So IDK, it's a trade off. Just don't get a girl pregnant. And don't get an STD. And one of these days, I don't care how old you are, you'll eventually have confidence in yourself with women. I can almost guarantee you that.

Good luck, with whatever you choose to do.

Sincerely,
you're 26 year old self.