Last night I watched The Blind Side with Stander. On the walk home, we did our usual thing. A couple comments as we leave the theater "That was a good movie" ... "Yeah it wasn't bad."

Then a few minutes of silence as we walk into the park, then we started talking.

I could relate to some of the things in the movie. I'll try not to spoil it for anyone reading this blog. When I was 12, my Aunt and Uncle took custody of me. They came up and visited my family while they were on their honeymoon. I don't know why but they decided to move to where we were located. It was the sticks. And even though it was all I knew, I hated it at the time. Mosquito's, small town, cold winters.

I lived a very sheltered and limited experience in northern Ontario. When my aunt and uncle came to visit, they had texas accents and brought a lot of the *outside* world with them. When they were leaving, I asked them straight up, "Can I go with you?" They asked my mother if it was alright, and then she asked me if it's what I really wanted to do. It was, so I left with them.

In the movie, there's a scene where the biological mother of the main character is crying. It reminds me of my mother sometimes when we talk. It must be hard to feel rejected by your own child. And to this day, when we talk on the phone, I feel like I'm being forced to tell her "I love you." When I say it, it isn't sincere.

In media and in society in general, I get this feeling that you should love your family, simply because they are your family. And I'm not sure...am I bad a person for not loving my mother? I feel guilty about it.

Grant asked me,

"Was your family affectionate? Like were they the type to hug a lot?"
"Not super affectionate, but if we ever wanted to hug, the option was there. It's not like we felt awkward doing it."
"Oh, my mother was very cold. Maybe it's the Brittish in my family, but it's very awkward when we hug."

I said to Grant, "It's interesting how things like that affect your adult life. Like I can tell you're awkward with certain things. Maybe that's why you like doggy style."
"So you can't see the other person." He interjected.
"Yeah but think about it. The only parts that are touching is your crotch and her ass. There's the whole upper torso that isn't making contact. Plus you can't kiss."

I could be wrong about that though.

We went on to talk about how life is like bowling. You're the ball, and your parents are the hand. When the ball leaves the hand, it can kind of weave to the left and to the right, but for the most part, it continues in the general direction until it meets the end of the runway. That is unless- something comes along and collides with you, sending you off in a drastically different direction.

Anyways, I'm very grateful to have met my aunt and uncle. I'm lucky that they took me with them. It altered the course of my life a lot.