Sometimes I feel like giving up on the dating scene and just being single for the rest of my life. But these goddam fucking hormones make being single and happy a difficult thing.
I wish there was a pill I could take, or a switch on the back of my neck to turn off these hormones. Because if I could, then I'd feel at peace.
I hate this. This feeling of frustration. It makes me miserable, and I obsess about it. "Why am I still single? What am I doing wrong? What can I do right? What can I do to change this? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?!" It's not like I think about it constantly, but at least once a day it enters my mind..."I wish I had a girlfriend." and then I feel shitty because I don't, and haven't for a long time. And I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I wish I did, so that I could do something to CHANGE it.
*sigh* Fuck this man. Fuck. :( I want to give up, but my body won't allow me to. It controls the chemicals and sub-desires and I feel compelled to follow it like a fucking zombie. My body says "FORWARD" and my mind shouts, "BACK!" There's obviously a schism there. For I *am* my mind. My mind, is in control of these here very words that enter this blog. I am *not* however, my body.
I am not content with this situation. Anyways, I just needed to bitch a little bit and get my frustrations out on pape--- the internet. I know bemoaning and complaining and not taking productive action is just wallowing in your hole. But wait- I *do* take productive action. I do a lot to make this happen. I'm a member of 2 dating websites, I email at least one new prospect on a weekly basis. I set up dates, I GO on these dates, I work out, I clean myself up, I put on a smile, I spend money buying gifts, food, and on the rare occasion, I lay it on the line and ask a girl out in real life.
Still, until I find someone, I'm gonna be increasingly frustrated. And depressed. Anyways I'm gonna wrap this up with song.
(it lags for about 5 seconds then starts)
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