Not as smart lately

For some reason I've been really dumbed down. I'm not sure what's happening. I feel...more shallow. And not in terms of "look at that hot chick" kind of shallow, but in the depth of my thoughts. It's like my curiosity has curbed off. I'm not lying in bed anymore, delving deep into the rabbit hole of questions and life.

I'm not sure what's happening. I kind of like it, because I feel happier. I guess since I'm happier, I don't feel or think there's any reason to question things. I feel more like an animal lately, and I just "am". Like how birds just "be".

Maybe I literally am getting dumber. I hit my head pretty hard almost a week ago, perhaps my personality is changed now. Heck, I don't know. I'm almost a little worried that it has. I think since I've started this blog, I hit my head hard again before.

Almost a year ago I was at work, and the floor was wet. I jumped over the wet spot, not realizing that there was ANOTHER wet spot right across from it. I slipped, and the back of my head bounced off the tile floor. My co-workers on the other side of the wall heard it and came around. I just wanted to lie there and fall unconscious but they wouldn't let me. One of them grabbed me and lifted me up. I was a little perturbed, but I was too jarred to really speak or resist.

When I went to the bathroom, I leaned against the sink and just stared into the mirror. I was completely in the moment. All thoughts of past and future were gone. There was only *now*. And I felt completely accepting of it all.

Anyways....I've hit my head a lot in my life. Like...a LOT. When I was a small child, I would get on my knees and smack my forehead onto the ground. One time I was running around a pool (like an idiot) and I slipped and hit my head on the edge of the pool. When I went in for surgery the doctors had to use leather straps to hold down my limbs because I was fighting them off.

I can tell that I'm almost 100% healed now. The pressure is gone but what the fuck man? Maybe I'm just uninspired. But I sure am more quiet lately. I just don't have anything to say. I don't know. Fuck, I don't want to get brain damaged. I'd rather die.